Mommy Kahdib

Dear Emerson (4 years!!!!!!),

Friday, June 11, 2010

Hi Big Girl!

I can't believe you are 4! The four years ago a sweet face, screaming little you entered this world...so dependent on Daddy and I and the world around you...for food, for shelter, for love and warmth. Now that you're four you're a different kind of dependent...you can get your own snack out of the fridge, you love to pour your own drink, you can go to the bathroom all by yourself and only need help with tricky buttons once in a while. But, you still love company to come with you, get scared of being alone in the bathroom, love someone to snuggle you after reading in your bed until you fall asleep. The other day we were interviewing a new babysitter and you claimed that you didn't really want one, that you could take care of yourself while we were at a wedding. The babysitter convinced you that it would be lonely and that maybe she would babysit Chase and you could just help her with that. You thought that was an ok idea...but you often talk to me about how you just don't really want me to shoot weddings...that quickly passes when I remind you if mommy didn't shoot weddings she might have a job like her other teaching job where she would have to leave 5 days a week instead of just one...and how great it is that Emmie can play while Mommy edits pictures.

You're getting more and more adventurous in this big world and while sometimes you are glued to my hand hanging on for dear life, other times, like at the park, you go sprinting off away from me to see the world around you! You've determined that even when you stray a little bit at the park you can easily find me again and you're ok with that. You still love all things girly and pink and frilly and are developing a love of Barbies and all that goes along with them. I remember playing with my barbies almost every day...so maybe we will share that love. You still have trouble dressing them and need some help with that...but the look on your face when you get a new dress for one of your dolls, or...gasp...a new doll is priceless. I know how parents fill the house with toys...that look of sheer delight at your new friend that you can play with, and dress, and doctor, and dentist, and dance with, and sing with, and sleep with clutching plastic limbs that must poke you in the night.

Preschool ended this month and you think you're just on vacation for a week....we keep talking about how you will be on vacation all summer. You still don't get it yet but you do talk about how you will be at the same school next year in a different room with new teachers...how you will wave to your old teachers and give them hugs on the playground. You got a little emotional when we were saying our final goodbyes at the closing ceremony but quickly looked at me seeking praise, "Did you see me? Did I do a great job? Did you hear my singing and see the movement class?" I assured you that I watched the whole time and that I loved every bit of it.

You're currently mad that I won't come pee with you...you want company. Your brother is sick and miserable in the basement and you have a little bit of a four year old need to control...thank goodness that is something you out grow because we're both stubborn and it usually doesn't bode well for the two of us when we get into a stand off of, "I want you to come with me," vs. "I know you can do it by yourself!" And now you're back and you're fine...you're working on so many things at once and I know that it is ok to lose it every once in a while...and you do, and I do, and Chase does. For the most part you are so amazing at explaining your needs, using your words, and communicating, and sometimes, well, sometimes you're 4! We have an awesome system for apologies that involves a lot of talking about how we feel and making up always includes lots of snuggles, hugs, kisses and sweet unprompted words..."Mommy, I'm sorry that I screamed at you when I didn't want to clean up all of my animals."

You're kind of into movies right now, Disney movies mostly...and you love them! It's a special treat when we get a new movie like Bambi or The Fox and the Hound and I'll tell you how much I loved them when I was little and you'll snuggle into the couch next to me and melt into my side as we get to experience it together for the first time. You love the princess movies but still tell me that you'd rather see it "Live" like when we went to Beauty and the Beast as a production at a real live theater "WITH A STAGE AND AN ORCHESTRA!!"

You also are REALLY into books and we've finished a few more Junie B. Jones books and then we just finished Romona the Pest and started on The BFG. You get a lot of the jokes and then use them in the everyday world...like instead of proclaiming that you tooted you'll say that you did a big wizzpopper just like the BFG would say. You empathized a lot with Romona and said that you really didn't think she was trying to be a pest, she just really didn't want her new red boot stuck in the mud. You still love swinging and your swingset that is celebrating it's 2 year birthday! And guess what? You can PUMP!!! There was a day where Chase and I were cleaning the yard, filling the water table, watering the new dogwood tree, etc and I turned around and you were swinging as high as if I had given you an underdog and you were SO proud! But this is another one of those 4 year old control moments where you will exclaim that you just neeeeeeeeeeed a PUUUUUUSSSSSHHHHH because you (insert a little whine) just don't know how to pump!

Your birthday cake was a bit of a fiasco. Mommy and Daddy took some pictures for a woman in town that makes amazing cakes...she wanted them for her site and we offered to trade a kid birthday cake (that we will of course photograph) in exchange for some images for her site. I told her that you wanted a barbie cake, more specifically you really wanted a cake that looks like Ariel wearing her pink dress after she turns into a girl....and then when I went to give Michelle the doll you lost it. You said you NEEDED me to make it, that you NEEDED to help me make it, that a MOMMY IS SUPPOSED TO MAKE THE CAKE FOR THE KID. Then you thought maybe Michelle could come over and we could make the cake together...then your eyes lit up and said, "Can I have two cakes?" So thus an idea was born....Michelle will make your castle cake and Mommy will try her best to make a barbie cake!

This past year has been so wonderful, to watch you grow and learn and discover so much more in this big big world...I love every minute of it, even the cranky, four year old minutes where I feel like you're just being a little bit kookoo...I remember that these are the moments that I will miss...the moments that I will crave when you're all grown up. The snuggles in your bed when you don't want me to leave you alone just yet, your little hand slipping into mine when we're waiting in line someplace, your constant surmising from the back seat on all of life's little ponderings....these are all of the moments that I need to soak up to the deepest level I can so that when I need to access them later in life when I am craving 4 year old you they will be there at the ready.

I love you little chicken girl...
Mommy