Mommy Kahdib

Dear Emerson (36 months!)

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Dear Three year old,

I think we're both in shock that this day finally came...yesterday you turned three!!! I was going to write this letter to you last night but I spent an hour filling out paperwork for your new preschool...sue me! That paperwork asked a lot of questions...what are things that you like to do...then they give you three lines. Do they honestly think that you only have three lines of things you like to do. I thought perhaps I could cover it for them...play and eat and snuggle and be silly and laugh and draw and paint and play with playdough and dolls and blocks and read books and ride bikes and swing and slide and explore and go to the museum and make up stories and sign and play with your baby brother and and and...the list could honestly go on forever. I must have written your name 20 times before all of the paperwork was filled in...three years later and I still love your name...thank goodness, huh! I signed lots of permissions...permission for them to take you places, and to bring you to the hospital without me if something happens...I'm having a hard time swallowing all of this. You're going to go to school and learn new things and you're eyes are going to light up when you make connections and you're going to laugh at funny things all while I'm not there...you're going to go on field trips and you might even fall and hurt yourself and I'm not going to be the one that gets to pick you up and make you feel better...three certainly is a big age.

Passed out.....loving the see-saw....and with one of your favorite people, Auntie Becky!

There were simple questions....like what foods are your favorites...ranch on cucumbers on tomatoes on chicken on pizza...if it has ranch you want it. Fruit (all but kiwi and pineapple) veggies...all but carrots and sweet potatoes...and I think your alltime favorite is still yogurt. Were you allergic to anything...no. Then this one..."Do you forsee a separation problem?" For who, you or me? There is a part of me that imagines you'll walk right in and know that I'll be back to get you soon...too distracted by the sand table and a whole room of friends to even look back at me...and then there is another part of me that thinks that you'll cling to me leg saying, "HOLDMEHOLDMEHOLDMEHOLDME ," like you have been saying recently and beg me not to leave you...there would be tears involved and it wouldn't be pretty. I have no idea which road you'll take, but come September we'll all find out! The form also asked what stresses you out...I would say that most things don't, but some things certainly do...big dogs trying to lick you and other kids swiping your things...and it wanted to know your reaction...."HOLDMEHOLDMEHOLDME," for the dog....and for the swiping? You growl or scream MINE and sadly sometimes they weren't even after what you had...I have to remind myself that it won't last forever. Somday you'll know that a toy in someone else's hands can soon be played with again and a dog licking your face really just wants to give you kisses...in the meantime I don't mind helping you when you're stressed.

You were so excited when you actually got it in the hoop!

It also asked how I see you...shy, outgoing, aggressive etc. It's funny because I see you as so many things. Shy with new people or when we're out of your element....outgoing at home with people you know and love and are comfortable with...aggressive with your brother and passive with your peers...I want to send my brain to school with you so that your teachers have your life history like I do. They would do much better with you with all that I have learned from you....too bad I can't just do a data dump of my info into their heads. They also asked what kind of atmosphere we prefer...Daddy and I were stumped with this one. I mean it is pretty obvious to us that we want a safe, loving and positive place for you to spend three hours two days a week...is there an alternative? We certainly don't want a strict scary school for you...or a lonely boring school...I told them that a routine might make things easier for you....but then I realized that some days we just wing it and you're fine. I think overall the message that I want to convey to them is that you're easy going and easy to get along with...rarely do you cause a stink and when you do you're usually tired or hungry and I know that and understand...I also realized while filling out this form that you are in perfect health. No hospitalizations, no allergies, no illness or daily medications. You eat like a horse and tolerate most things...I'm pretty lucky to have such an easy kid! You're an absolute joy to have in our lives! I wish I could be a fly on the wall of your classroom and hear the funny things you say and see the silly things you do and watch you play with new friends....sometimes I think that feature from now until eternity no matter where you are would be nice, but someday I know you're not going to want me to know every little thing about you...I guess this is my time to revel in it!

Hi baby goat!

Last thoughts...even though I say you are a joy to be around, I would be lying to say we never have any trouble...there are days when you are crunchy and crabby and whine or cry or refuse to do things...and I found a magical thing that helps...we offer you choices. Now, we didn't come up with this on our own, actually we've been reading some awesome books on parenting (Unconditional Parenting, Playful Parenting, How to Talk so Kids will Listen, and Listen so Kids will Talk, Adventures in Gentle Discipline, Kids are Worth It) and they are all awesome and amazing and help you and I in so many ways....for a while you've been doing the, "HOLDMEHOLDMEHOLDME," thing at the bottom of the stairs. I'm usually carrying your brother and can't but if I tell you I can't and that you have to do it on your own you get frustrated and sometimes cry....if I say, "Hey, let's swim up the stairs like Orca or scamper up like mice," then you choose one and up the stairs you go...you like to have some control and honestly, who wouldn't. In the morning I say, "Dress or pants, pink or purple, this outfit or that one..." and you get that power and that control...it's awesome to figure out that you just need someone to guide you in your choices instead of someone to force things on you. You need discipline in order to learn and grow and become a better person (don't we all) not to shame and punish and make you feel bad...there is very little yelling in this house, there are no time outs, and most of what we need from you you do...you cooperate for the sake of cooperation (it feels good to cooperate) not because you're going to get a prize or avoid a punishment and I think you and I are doing a-ok! Thanks for teaching me to be a better mom, thank you for your patience, thank you for your unconditional love...with all that you have given me I owe you at least that in return!!!

Lastly I'd like to just include some of the more hilarious things you have said and done this month...
"That goat chewed me, I'm not buzzghetti!"
"Kiss police, kiss police, Daddy, don't forget to give me a kiss before you go to work!"
At the American Girl Doll store the lady told you to wish for something and you're wish? For your daddy to come home...it seemed to them like maybe he was off at war, but really you just meant home from work....I am so grateful that you are enjoying your time with him more and more these days!
You discovered that your little kid camera takes video and you have been doing some random footage of unsuspecting people who don't really believe that you are taping them and the results are hilarious!
You have been pushing your brother down for no reason other than he is just learning to walk...yet if he even thinks about touching you you are quick to say, "Gentle, baby Chase, gentle..." and I wish you would follow your own rule!

Love you when you're three even though I know you already are couting the days until you are four!

Love,
Mama

Happy Birthday Big Girl!

P.S. Check out the www.mkdphotography.com/blog to see pictures from the actual day!